Against The Wall

 Standing against the cold, brick wall with my son, I didn't know what to do. I had just arrived to pick him up from school only to be told by his teacher that she needed to speak with me about Jonah's behaviour in class that day so could I please stand against the wall with him until she was finished dismissing the other children.

A million thoughts raced through my mind. What had he done? I had never received anything but glowing reports about Jonah. How bad could it be? After all, he was only in Kindergarten, but while I have had conversations with teachers over the years, I certainly had never been told to stand against the wall with either of my older two sons.

Unsure what charges lay head made me tense and I was suddenly very aware of all the other parents' eyes on me. Then I heard it. Muffled sobs coming from my 5 year old boy. I looked down to see him covering his face with his hands and choking on tears.

A mixture of emotions filled me. I was nervous. I was disappointed. I was embarrassed. I was imagining the worst. I was at the place so often we as moms come to; the place of choice.

Do I choose to pretend I don't hear his sobs? Do I tell him to stop, after all he got himself into this mess and his cries are only drawing more attention to the two of us standing over here against this wall.

What do I do Jesus?

Love him, I felt the Lord reply.

Love him? But shouldn't I discipline him? Shouldn't I lecture him first? Shouldn't I remain aloof at least so that he feels the weight of my disappointment?

Love him was the only answer I heard.

So, following the Lord's leading I went against what felt like my better judgement and leaned down to pull my son into a hug. With my arms wrapped tightly around him, I whispered into his ear " No matter what this is about Jonah, I love you and I always will."

Hearing those words made him cry harder at first but then he settled down secure in my embrace.

His teacher eventually came over to speak with us and reveal the details of the incident at school- nothing too serious I'm happy to report but Jonah had made a bad choice.

As I loaded him into the can and prepared to drive home, I couldn't help but think how much of life is about the choices we make.

Do we choose to forgive or do we try to seek revenge? Do we choose to be honest or do we tell ourselves that just this one time it won't matter? Do we choose to surrender our daily plans to God or do we hold on tight to our own agenda? Do we choose to bite our tongue and swallow or pride or do we decide to just let our spouse "have it"?

My son had made a bad choice with one of his peers and had to face the consequences.

That day, I too had made a choice. To follow Jesus' prompting and just love my son. I wish I could say that I've always chosen to extend unconditional love to my children and husband but the truth is that too often I've allowed my pride, frustration, fatigue or anger to come first. More times than not, I've launched into a lecture before extending an ounce of love or listening ear.

I'm so thankful Jesus reminded me of a better way. And I'm so deeply grateful for the unconditional, lavish and beautiful love He freely extends to me daily; regardless of whether or not I deserve it.

My prayer for today is that Jesus would help me remember to choose love first, especially at times when I am convinced that those I love the most are least deserving of it.